Reservations! They’re supposed to be the means of saving people hours of waiting for an available table, saving them the embarrassment of finding no place on a special occasion, and most important of all, they’re supposed to guarantee a respectful service to customers and insure the positive cooperation of the place.

In my case, reservations have never served the purpose they’re meant to serve, and instead of simplifying things, they always complicated everything for me.
I really don’t know whether it’s coincidence, bad luck or what exactly that succeeds in making me suffer from restaurant reservations.

Anyway, here are some examples of my reservation nightmares…

1. I would like to make a reservation, PLEASE!
Eman: Hi, I would like to make a reservation for 5 people at 1:00 p.m.
Waiter: Ok, under what name?
Eman: …….
Waiter: How many people?
Eman: 5
Waiter: Done, 5 people under (….) for dinner
Eman: no, lunch, today at 1 p.m.
Waiter: Ok. Today, 1 p.m. (…), 2 people! Bye
(He hung up, I redial)
Eman: Hi, I just called concerning today’s reservation.
Waiter: Under what name?
Eman: (….)
Waiter: how many people?
Eman: I just called a minute ago, today (….) 1 p.m., FIVE people!
Waiter: Ah, remembered you, didn’t you say 2?
Eman: that’s why I’m calling again. It’s 5.
Waiter: ifff, ok, 5.
Eman: confirmed?
Waiter: YES!
(hung up)

At 1 p.m. my boss calls:
Boss: Eman, there is no reservation for us! Did you forget?
Eman: that’s impossible, put the waiter on.
Waiter: I have absolutely no idea about a reservation for them.
Eman: but I called this morning and everything was confirmed!! How come!
Waiter: sorry but we exchange shifts, so morning shifts are different than noon!
Eman: WHAT!! And why are reservations made for?
Waiter: so that you call and make a resrvation!
Eman: This is what I DID!
Waiter: you called in the wrong time!
(And my boss ended up hating me for the embarrassing situation and went on looking for another restaurant!)

2. Later please…
Eman: Hi, I’m calling to make a reservation.
Waiter: ok, let me take your details.
Eman: Reservation for (….), 3 people,…
Waiter: Wait a sec I don’t have a pen.
Eman: Ok, I’ll wait for you to get one.
Waiter: there are no pens on my desk.
Eman: ok I’ll hold till you go get one.
Waiter: I’m not going to look for A pen, just call later.
(and he HUNG UP)

3. No Answer…
Eman: Hi, I’d like to make a reservation please.
Waiter: …(silent)
Eman: Hello?! Can you hear me?
Waiter: yes, I can.
Eman: great, are there available places for dinner?
Waiter:…(silent again)
Eman: HELLOOOOO!
Waiter: YES WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING!
Eman: Coz I want to make a damn reservation.
Waiter: …(silent again)
Eman: This is so unbelievable, would you put on someone I can talk to?
…Toot, toot, toot, toot…
(obviously, he hung up)

4. Not in the mood…
Eman: Hi, I’d like to make a reservation.
Waiter: do you know what time it is?
Eman: 11 a.m.
Waiter: why the hell are you calling that early?
Eman: Sorry?
Waiter: ring me back again in 2 hours, what are you people, don’t you have manners?!
(and… he hung up)

5. Louder!
Eman: can I make a reservation for 2 tonight?
Waiter: What? Can you speak louder?
Eman: (in a louder tone) I would like to make a reservation for 2!
Waiter: WHAT?! I can’t hear you! LOUDER!
Eman: (in a “louderer” ;P tone)……….
Waiter: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SHOUTING AT ME!!
(and he HUNG UP)

6. I give up…
Eman: Hi, are there available places for today’s lunch.
Waiter: Sure. How many people?
Eman: 2
Waiter: contact number please
Eman: (……)
Waiter: what’s the name?
Eman: (……)
Waiter: WHAT!
Eman: (…..)
Waiter: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT NAME?
Eman: It’s a foreign name, our company name. I’ll spell it for you, ok!
Waiter: yes please, do me a favor.
Eman: … (I spell the name, which is a bit long, I admit)
Waiter: What the hell? Forget about it, it’s too complicated and I can’t even pronounce it, look for another place you and your complicated company!

And he… ??

Yep, he hung up…