I came across some really funny quotes and thought I’d share them here to make sure all of you will have happy faces during the weekend… Enjoy 🙂

• Opinions are like feet. Everybody’s got a couple, and they usually stink. -Jim Slattery-
• Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. -Carl Gustav Jung-
• The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order. -Brian Pickrell-
• If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. –Unknown-
• We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. – Phyllis Diller-
• Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. –Anonymous-
• Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. -Gordon R. Dickson-
• If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. –Unknown-
• How do you feel about women’s rights? I like either side of them. -GROUCHO MARX-
• Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. -Redd Foxx-
• If a person wants to be atheistic, it’s his God-given right to be an atheist.-Michael Patton-
• Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. -George Carlen-
• What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? -Ursula K. LeGuin-
• She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon. -GROUCHO MARX-
• Telling the truth to people who misunderstand you is generally promoting a falsehood, isn’t it? -Anonymous-
• Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy. -Anonymous drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859-
• Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all other philosophers are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself. -Henry Louis (H. L.) Mencken-
• Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -Mark Twain –
• No one is listening until you fart. –Anonymous-
• I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception. -GROUCHO MARX-
• If you don’t want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work. -Ogden Nash-
• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. –Unknown-
• Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction. -Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872-
• If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then give up. No use being a damned fool about it. -W. C. Fields-
• Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else. -Unknown-
• Buy land. They’ve stopped making it. -Mark Twain-
• We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people. -Colonel Gerald Wellman-
• Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others. -GROUCHO MARX-